Self-Control
This study considers the development of self-control as an essential element of Christian character and the responsibility of parents to cultivate it from childhood.
Biblical Foundation
“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; And he that ruleth his spirit, than he that taketh a city.” — Proverbs 16:32 (ASV)
“He whose spirit is without restraint
Is like a city that is broken down and without walls.” — Proverbs 25:28 (ASV)“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control; against such there is no law.” — Galatians 5:22-23 (ASV)
“Yea, and for this very cause adding on your part all diligence, in your faith supply virtue; and in your virtue knowledge; and in your knowledge self-control; and in your self-control patience; and in your patience godliness.” — 2 Peter 1:5–6 (ASV)
“And every man that striveth in the games exerciseth self-control in all things. Now they do it to receive a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.” — 1 Corinthians 9:25 (ASV)
“For the grace of God hath appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us, to the intent that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly and righteously and godly in this present world.” — Titus 2:11-12 (ASV)
Selected Spirit of Prophecy Counsel
Parents are responsible for more than providing their children with food, clothing, and education. Their greater duty is to train them for character and eternal life. This requires intentional teaching that helps children govern their desires, choices, and abilities according to right principles rather than simply following their natural inclinations.
— Paraphrased from CG 38.2True discipline should teach a child to control himself, not merely to obey because someone stronger commands him. Children need to learn to make decisions according to reason, conscience, and principle. Excessive control that suppresses individuality may produce outward obedience without developing judgment, firmness, independence, or genuine self-control.
— Paraphrased from CG 39.2Children should learn from an early age that crying or demanding does not give them control over their parents. Giving a child what he wants because he cries teaches him to use emotional pressure to get his way. Consistent refusal when necessary helps children learn to accept disappointment and develop self-control over their wants and emotions.
— Paraphrased from CG 92.1A quick, stubborn, or passionate temper should be addressed early before it becomes firmly established. Children with strong emotions especially need kind but consistent guidance that teaches them to restrain anger and impulses. Indulging uncontrolled temper allows these tendencies to strengthen, while careful training helps the child develop emotional self-control and a balanced character.
— Paraphrased from CG 93.3Parents cannot effectively teach self-control while allowing themselves to speak or act impatiently and angrily. They should learn to govern their own emotions, words, and reactions, especially during difficult moments with their children. Angry words often provoke anger in return, while calmness and self-command provide children with an example of Christlike self-control.
— Paraphrased from CG 95.1True strength is shown not merely in controlling circumstances or other people, but in controlling one’s own spirit. A person who remains composed when provoked demonstrates greater mastery than someone who possesses great outward power but cannot govern his passions. Parents especially need this kind of self-government, because children learn self-control not only through instruction but through the example they see at home.
— Paraphrased from CG 95.3For a more complete understanding of the principles of Christian parenting, readers are encouraged to read the entire book Child Guidance by Ellen G. White. You may return to the Faith Foundations page, where the book can be downloaded from the Ellen G. White Estate.